The hookup

So...I was watching the Reality Show lineup last night and came upon the small gem that is the Salt 'n' Peppa Show. I realized in last night's episode that it mirrored the song and dance that my family and I go through when they try and "Hook a Sista up"
1. I do not think that they truly take into consideration the type of person that you are. In my case, they are so desperate to hook me up that the only qualification that they require is that the person's status is single.
i. They hook you up with someone who would work with what THEY WANT YOU TO BE.
ii. They hook you up with someone who does not even begin to fill the basic requirements. (Is he nice, does he have A JOB????)
2. Family can be a little overzealous. (I really think that my mother is seriously wondering if my eggs will EVER get fertilized) I had a cousin who attempted to hook me up with a dude who was a troll in every aspect (short and surly). My other cousin was so upset, she got mad for me...
3. What absolutely kills me is they have decent friends who might even be single....Why do I never get the cream of the crop???Why do I get the crusty castoffs???
Lesson: I can eff it up on my own...LEAVE ME ALONE

Breast Cancer Awareness Month

I am so glad to see that an illness like Breast Cancer is being recognized as a serious disease. As people who have been touched by cancer know, awareness is key to a lasting recovery. The story of the Komen Breast Cancer fund is one of love and survival of hope. Breast Cancer Awareness is so widespread during the month of October that pink will soon be considered a fall color: which is not a bad thing. HOWEVER, I draw the line when I think that people's health is at stake. Let me back up a bit....Pink riboons....ok.....Pink headbands....ok.......Save the tatas.....crude but ok.....pink t-shirts....ok....hot pink cakes with corresponding hot pink icing....not ok!!!!!!I REPEAT!!!!!!!!!!NOT.OK. I think that we as members of a "civilized" society that has effed up many a thing, including our food supply, we should let reasoning take control over our emotions...Hello we are the same society that put Red 40 in M&Ms and then LATER found out it is carcinogenic!!!! I am just saying that we realize that a lot of the foods that we eat have additives that are not necessarily proven to be safe over long term use. Why add some questionable pink in the mix???!!! I mean I have seen pink cakes, cupcakes, etc. and people buy it because a portion of the proceeds will go to Breast Cancer support of some kind. Am I the only one who finds this absolutely ridiculous??? I mean is it not proven that we should stay away from stuff like that to AVOID CANCER????

How to handle Your local Health Inspector

Note: I was not going to post this note until I got another job....Thank you Jesus!!! You are a wonderful provider!!! Enjoy!!!


Like many underpaid, unappreciated and on the brink of being uncaring public servants, I have a couple of guidelines to make our time together as painless as possible. Here we go:

1. If I write more than you are used to, u telling me that you never got a list this long is just like switching on the "Zone Out" button in my head. Clearly, I do not care. I read the file and to be honest just because you got away with murder for the past 100 years does not mean that u will on my watch. Suck it UP!!! If I had a PENNY for every poor sod who said that to me I WOULD NOT BE WORKING!!! That is not original or necessary. You will still have to correct the items. You should be complaining to the inspectors that let you get away with it for 30 years...If you corrected it in 1977 like u shoulda, there would not be a problem.

2. Do not call my boss to complain about me and then wonder where the attitude came from. ESPECIALLY if you want me to bend the rules for your sorry a$$...You lost that opportunity as soon as you picked up the phone, you used piece of tissue....

3. When you frothing at the mouth makes me blink extra hard because I have mistaken you for a rabid dog, do not:

a) Be surprised that I am looking for the nearest exit.

b) charge me for attempted assualt for spraying your stupid a$$ with mase.

c) act all contrite when I come back with a supervisor.

4. Do not think that it is your right to cuss me out because the laws are stupid or because you are PMSing...that is a p squared...personal problem.

5. I will not risk having a major problem at my job so YOU can feel comfortable...I am the only BLACK FEMALE in my office....in a white community....I have enough problems dealing with the trouble associated with doing my job correctly....my check is anorexic, but it pays most of the bills...I will leave the job on my conditions not because your apathetic, Porsche SUV-driving behind does not want to even pretend to have some knowledge of food/pool safety concepts. I see what they do to people like me....I ain't stupid

6. Your Serv Safe Certificate means NOTHING to me especially when you mumble something about hot holding your food at 120 degrees Fahrenheit....it is 140 degrees a$$wipe.

7. Do not huff and puff when my inspection goes over 30 minutes....I would not be here for so long if your restaurant was as "immaculate" (snicker) as you think. When the inspection runs into my lunch time I am not necessarily clicking my heels in delight either. Your bad attitude+my low blood sugar = bad news for u (i.e. me coming during your busy lunch...on friday....on a payday )

8. It used to be cute when people call in to register a complaint....It stopped being cute when I found out I do not GET CREDIT FOR THIS $HIT....Do not play me...do not call me for small ish...i.e.

a) For cockroaches at your school...I know this...the school is quite aware of the problem and is addressing it...they cannot spray it with the same chemicals that you do at home...for the same reason you are supposedly calling...for the health of the snots, i mean children

b) Do not call me because you feel liberated from your job. Do not tell me how your boss was violating all types of code and I go there and can eat off the floor. That equals me being pissy.

c) We ARE NOT CSI!!!! We cannot take a swab of the food sample that is "contaminated" and say in less than 25 minutes "Ms. Clueless, I am sorry you have a very virulent strain of E. Coli!!!You have 6 minutes to live!!!!You should sue P.B. NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOWWWWWWW!!!"

It is my perverse pleasure to tell you that we CANNOT do that...We take STOOL SAMPLES wenches!!! BEFORE we even test samples of the food. So if you are not willing to give up the poop...GETS TA STEPPIN!!! Do not let the door hit ya where the good Lord split ya! DUECES!!!!!!

Wwwwwwweeeeelllllll, I am done for now...There will be more because I never underestimate the power of stupid people in large numbers....especially since they all seem to be in my territory........

okgoodbye

smooches

Not so Innocent

I met someone 2 weeks ago....I was not even paying attention to him...Afterwards, my friend stated that he was "hitting on me"....the sad thing about me is once someone points this out to me (i never notice because I am PARANOID of "reciprocating" to someone who never stated interest!!!*shudder*).....anyhoo, things just went downhill from there...I later found out that this guy is not interested...he is "friendly"....I think my biggest problem is the fact that I am clueless.... I have no idea what the difference between someone who is hitting on me and someone who is just being friendly...I think I am going to stick to being clueless...If someone really wanted to talk to me, they'd make the effort....Eff going thru this!!! I should have known when i met him....walking through the hallway was like swimming through melted panties....

I am sorry

I haven't talked to my x in months...we went from talking at least 2 times a day to me changing my number and feeling so free of him....I had made him my center and envied the position I had so freely gave him...I have tried to explain to my friends that I need to talk to him, but no one understands y....how can i explain that the person who hurt me so bad is also the same person who kept me afloat when I felt like i was drowning in a sea of hurt, despair and low self esteem???Do I need to really explain???................I callled him today and it was......weird because i had to screen what I was saying because i did not want him to think that i was passively insulting him.... I hurt him because I did not break up the way I should have. I felt like I was becoming one of his stans....my feelings towards him became a toxic mix of possesiveness, hate, shame, lust, and envy...I stopped being his friend...i think that is what hurt the most...that my envy got the best of me...I was jealous of the fact that he got over me likethat....i think I am better now....
well this evening was discouraging because I called to guys....one did not even pick up my call and i called my x......when will the madness end????