Breakthrough

As I was driving home with my mom (we were carpooling because she was going in my direction this past week). I really enjoyed driving with her this week; it was surprisingly ok....anyhoo but as we were getting closer to the house I started to think about my last three years of being dropped into "official" adulthood. I have learned a couple things like:
1. One wack job that I ACTUALLY HAVE is better than 2 really "bomb" jobs advertised on the net, newspaper, whatever, in the bush. I have tried 2 direct marketing jobs, volunteer jobs and just plain being unemployed. I made a mistake of quitting a job that was truly stressing me out (at the time) and being unemployed for about 8 months.....So not cool.....Because God had a sense of humor, not only was the job that paid me the most ever, I also look back at it with a chuckle, a smile and a sense of accomplishment!!!
2. I realised that all my life, people had been telling me that I had potential....Potential to do what??? I had no clue. I realized that all my life I had been depending on others' opinions of me to justify my actions...I had made that realization that when it came to my personal life (friendships, realtions, relationships, etc). I just realized that it is also true for all aspects of my life. I have been letting people tell me what they think and act off of just this information. Not doing any research whatsoever, (personal, pratical, etc). The sad thing about this, is the fact that I get upset when I tell people I disagree and they get miffed....Whatever! I truly have had a breakthrough people!!!
3. I realized that this potential that I have has been just that: Stored. I have not translated this into any type of action...Well I have, but not as much as I should have. That is the reason I am at the place that I am right now. I have never believed in myself, I have believed in what other people saw in me. How can I expect myself to achieve anything if I do not have confidence in myself. One of the reasons I have been so confused about what direction my life should take is because I am so used to telling people what I was thinking of doing and when no one agreed/ thought it was feasible, I'd be thrown in a tizzy. How can I expect to get anything done? The only person I need to confer with is Jesus and if He gave me the vision, why should I be bothered with what people think???
4. I'm lazy. I like to sleep, eat, and read. Not necessarily in that order. I need to change that and accept that sacrifice is part of accomplishment....
I think that I am done...for now.
Thanx for reading. Until next time.......

I Know Why The Caged Bird Doesn't Sing

My dad has stomach cancer. At the time of diagnosis, the doctors said that is covered 75% of his stomach lining...This morning my mom gave him a bowl of githeri (beans and corn, in this case sauteed with onions and mixed veggies). I was so proud of him, eating the whole bowl because eating has become a problem again...It broke me to see him cry over eating because it was so painful...He showed me where they point the laser during his radiation therapy and the port for his chemo....He does the radiation therapy for 45 min, them goes for the chemo....After he did this, I then understood why he was so resistant to fight in the beginning...He was the one who endured the pain. He was the one who they told that the cancer had covered most of his stomach. He was the one who was misdiagnosed by his endocrinologist. He was the one who felt his weight plummet. He was the one who felt his skin change. He is doing well now, there are signs of healing and loss of cancer cells, but the little struggles that make up the big struggle can make life seem very hard...So now I know that equal respect should be given to the Caged Bird Who DOESN'T Sing....

Yet another Saturday

So this Saturday had the potential of being a productive day and I messed it up...I finally got my room looking like someone with a coherent thought inhabits it and I got my hair done...that is another bog post. Yesterday was a REALLY BAD day for me...I cried like 3 times in the span of 8 hours and thought that my parents where out to screw me good. I was in such terrible disarray over my finances; it felt like I was going to be a slave to a mundane job forever. I had such a bad headache yesterday from all the crying and I looked even worse than usual for me, which is a true decrease in altitude. Anyway, my dad offered to look at my finances and he came up with a manageable budget for me...I just need to stick to it...I can't believe how ballistic I was going over the whole money thing...lemme take that back...I can imagine...I can't imagine why I couldn't figure it out my self...I guess I was all in a tizzy and was blinded by my situation...Thank God for Baba!!! Anyway I went to the salon today because my mom was tired of waking up and seeing that the mess that was perpetrating as “a natural style” on my head. What it really was was a hairstyle that encompassed the yeah-I-didn’t-comb-my-hair-yes-I-know-it-looks-nothing-like-maxwell-I’m-sexy-wit-it! Merged with bump-combing-this-mess. I will leave your imagination to figure out how much of a hot mess it really was. (I promise you that it looks nothing like you imagined i.e. 10x worse, especially with the random fly in orbit).
Anyhoo, so I walked into the salon and was mean mugged by a pair of evil-permed-hair-fashionistas!! UGH!! All I could think of is “I know you not looking at me like that, I actually COMBED my hair this morning!!!” I had the pleasure of one of them washing my hair…I won’t lie, my hair was FLITHY!!! I am sure this was evident because chickadee surely scrubbed A LOT harder come the second time around. Sadly, I got perverse pleasure from her having to stick her hands in the mess that was my hair!!! Hehehe I happened to look at her while she was washing my hair and I noticed SHE HAD A MUSTACHE!!! All’s I gots to say is that you don’t throw stones from a glass house….I felt better after seeing the mustache, and brown boots with black outfit…She seemed a little less higher on her podium of perfection….
I digress, so I forgot that to go 2 a black hair salon on a Saturday means death to any semblance of productivity, plans, etc. I entered that salon at 10:50am and did not leave until 3:15pm…Lord have Mercy!!!
But I did look cute!!! So I guess the migraine and the loss of 5 hours of my life was worth it!!!

Thank you for donating to the Fat Piece of Lard Association. Your Donation is Greatly depreiciated....

So because I am a fatty....I eat....plain and simple...but like all other fatties know...we always want to back to the "skinny" days..you know the ones..."if I ONLY lost 40 more pounds i'd look like a thicker Beyonce"...whatever...the sad thing is that I was like thisclose to being the "thicker Beyonce" *sigh* I have lost a substantial amount of weight and I feel it creeping back on not so slow and VERY steady. Between my job, my non-existent social life, looking for another job and trying to keep the parental unit happy (it doesn't always work out, but I try), I find myself being a very emotional eater...Sadly enough, it has gotten worse now that I live back at home with my parents because when I lived by myself, there were things that I just didn't buy. Things like white bread (very rarely did I buy bread), sugar, yogurt (you would not believe the carbs in a good cup of yogurt), white rice, etc...I have no self control...I wish I did, but alas.... I am depressed just thinking about it...............I am going to snack on the unclaimed rueben in the fridge...the coleslaw is fair game too....